Nighttime is relevant

The poem seeks to be anchored in the sense of belonging to earth. The longing is reciprocal: the moorings will yearn for words that are meant not to soar but to go beyond an earth that is more human, more earth.

Nighttime is relevant to sense of smell, enduring
Dayfright, catacombed histories breathing out a
Weary how and when. Nighttime is redundant to sense;
The carriage of the inarticulate is not language but
The founding of it; nighttime is vilified in relation
To sense as unknown prepositions presuppose, propose

A finality of song; the roll of thunder, the slosh of
Riverfins, the thump of the mountainbrew, each the
Accompaniment of the unsung harp or the known trumpet?
An annulment of wordforms seesawing for adjustment,
Angling for a hearing, and mouthing of precious harms
To be undone by a revisitation of forms at nighttime.

7 comments on “Nighttime is relevant

  1. Melissa Shaw-Smith says:

    Wonderfully rich word choice and imagery.

  2. Lola Elvy says:

    The line-breaks here seem to adopt a rushed, almost hasted tone; urgent, perhaps.

    • huzaifazoom says:

      Urgency is definitely a state which I yearn for when writing. If the sense of urgency is strong, I feel there is no need to revise.

      • Lola Elvy says:

        I think these are perhaps even some of your more urgent lines; they feel less steady and neat, and more have an uneven, and, yes, urgent, sense.

        If I may be allowed to say, though, since you express that urgency is something you strive for, line four (‘The carriage of the inarticulate[…]’)stood out to me in this poem as being perhaps less urgent than the other lines, due partly, for me, to the line-break separating line four from line three; this is as oppose to, for example, the more urgent and provoking line-break ‘[…]the roll of thunder, the slosh of / Riverfins, the thump of the mountainbrew[…]’. This later line-break between lines seven and eight adds emphasis to ‘riverfins’, and breaks the steady, even rhythm of what is otherwise the phrase ‘the roll of thunder, the slosh of riverfins, the thump of mountainbrew’, which itself has a relative symmetry that, when thrown askew with this line-break (separating ‘riverfins’ from the rest of its phrase), creates a sharp impact, and, in turn, a feeling of urgency. The line-break between lines three and four is comparatively even and neat, and I found when reading that this particular line resumed a steady rhythm more prominent and effective in softer poetry, or poetry rich instead with more quiet descriptive imagery, but less so for portraying urgency (whereas your other lines portray urgency quite well). This is only my opinion, though, as a single reader, and it is not means for revision, as such, but I thought perhaps you would be interested to know.

        Thank you.

      • huzaifazoom says:

        Thanks Lola for such in depth feedback.

        By revision and urgency, I was referring to my own revision/draft process. Normally it goes through two intermediate drafts, but the ‘urgent’ ones are exempt from such bureaucracy 🙂

        (On ‘the carriage of the inarticulate’, I have tried to capture the primacy of primal if somewhat awkward language over the free-flowing.)

      • Lola Elvy says:

        It is interesting to consider words carrying urgency such as that; I agree with you that some have indeed a more distinctly urgent need.

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